When things go wrong, did I do something wrong?

Question: Troubles started happening to me all at once. Did I do something wrong? I pray daily and ask G-d if I did something wrong. I try to be uplifted, but it’s hard. Can you give me advice?

Answer:
Thank you for your question, but I wish that it was under better circumstances. I’m well aware that troubles can seem to come in waves.

Don’t assume that you’ve done anything wrong. On the other hand, even in times when everything is going great, still be mindful of mistakes or wrongs that you might be doing. If you recognize things that need correcting or improvement, take that action. To do this effectively, set aside quiet personal times to reflect on what you’ve been doing, and make a personal accounting of what’s been good and what’s not been so good.

This does not mean pushing for perfection. It means setting realistic standards and expectations for yourself. Then, set up schedules and checklists for your follow-through. If you’ve set the bar too high for yourself in some area, it will be hard to hold to it. In fact, trying to do so will disrupt other basic things you should be doing that are more important. When that happens, you need to scale back from too-high expectations that you thought to push for.

In short, don’t ask G-d if you did something wrong and then wait for His answer. Instead, ask it to yourself, based on what you know from your Seven Commandments about what’s right and wrong. You shouldn’t automatically jump to conclusions that if things go wrong, that’s a sign from G-d that you did something wrong. If you did something wrong, your own conscience will usually tell you that very promptly. Listen to it, and don’t brush it off!

Here are the things to consider:

Self-accounting will bring things to light when you do it objectively. Then you have to listen carefully to that inner voice, instead of automatically going into modes of self-justification and/or rationalization, as most people do. Most people have a built-in reflex to deny responsibility or deflect blame onto someone or something else. Consequently, they are very comfortable with sweeping their shortcomings and mistakes under the rug.

Your first response when something goes wrong should be to tell yourself that maybe you’re being blessed by G-d. How so? Perhaps, you’re receiving this trouble from Him as a test of your faith. G-d tests people whom He loves, and who love Him. Think of all the tests that G-d gave to Abraham, His greatest devotee. Abraham earned great blessings and rewards by living up to those tests and accepting them with love. Also, when you’re facing a difficulty, remember that everything happens by Divine Providence, for the sake of some hidden or revealed good.

Then, the “problem” gets transformed into a personal challenge. It’s an opportunity to bring out an inner strength that G-d knows you have, but you didn’t yet know that you have. All of that is part of the package of being a righteous person. The reward for the righteous is in the Hereafter, because it’s too great to be given in this limited physical world.

By all means, keep up your good work! You are G-d’s “boots on the ground” in the area you’re in. So, don’t shy away from spreading out some of your light to the people around you. If they don’t get it from you, where else will they get it while there’s still time?

– By Dr. Michael Schulman, Director of Ask Noah International