When things go wrong, did I do something wrong?

Question: Troubles started happening to me all at once. Did I do something wrong? I pray daily and ask G-d if I did something wrong. I try to be uplifted, but it’s hard. Can you give me advice?

Answer:
Thank you for your question, but I wish that it was under better circumstances. I’m well aware that troubles can seem to come in waves.

I would not assume that you’ve done anything wrong. But in general, even during the periods of time when everything is going great, you should be mindful of mistakes or wrongs that you might be doing. If you recognize things that needing correcting or improvement, you should take that action. To effectively do this, periodically set aside quiet personal times to reflect on what you’ve been doing, and make a personal accounting of what’s been good and what’s been not so good.

This does not mean pushing for perfection. It means setting realistic standards and expectations for yourself. Then, set up schedules or checklists for your ongoing follow-through. If you’ve set the bar too high for yourself in something, it will be hard to hold to it. In fact, trying to do so will disrupt other basic things you should be doing that are more important. When that happens, you need to scale back on that too-high expectation that you thought of trying to push for.

In short, don’t ask G-d if you did something wrong and wait for an answer. Instead, ask yourself, based on the basics you already know about what’s right and wrong. You shouldn’t automatically jump to conclusions that if things go wrong, that’s a sign from G-d that you did something wrong. If you did something wrong, usually your own conscience will tell you that very promptly.

Here are the things to consider:

Self-accounting will bring things to light when you do it objectively. Then you have to listen carefully to that inner voice, instead of automatically going into modes of self-justification and/or rationalization, as most people do. Most people have a built-in reflex to deny responsibility or deflect blame onto someone or something else. Consequently, they are very comfortable with sweeping their shortcomings and mistakes under the rug.

Instead, your first automatic response, the moment when something goes wrong, is to tell yourself that maybe you’re being blessed by G-d. How so? Perhaps, you’re receiving this trouble from Him as a test. G-d tests the people whom He loves, and who love Him. Think of all the tests that G-d gave to Abraham, His greatest devotee. Abraham earned great rewards by living up to those tests and accepting them with love. When you’re facing a difficulty, remember that everything happens by Divine Providence, and everything G-d does is for the best. Assume the reason may be that He’s testing your faith and trust in Him.

Then, the “problem” gets transformed into a personal challenge. It’s an opportunity to bring out an inner strength that G-d knows you have, but you didn’t yet know that you have. All of that is part of the package of being a righteous person. The reward for the righteous is in the Hereafter, because it’s too great to be given in this limited physical world.

By all means, keep up your good work! You are G-d’s “boots on the ground” in the area you’re in. So, don’t shy away from spreading out some of your light to the people around you. If they don’t get it from you, where else will they get it while there’s still time?

– By Dr. Michael Schulman, Director of Ask Noah International