How should Noahides mourn for deceased relatives or friends?

It is important to set limits in intensity and length of time for mourning. Even before the Flood, there was a tradition of observing seven days of mourning. In Genesis 7:4, G-d told Noah, “For in another seven days’ time I will send rain upon the earth…” Rashi explains this verse based on the Midrash, as follows.

These are the seven days of mourning for the righteous Methuselah. For the Holy One, Blessed is He, spared his dignity and delayed the punishments. [This refers to the Flood, so that the generation’s mourning for Methuselah could be properly expressed.] Go and calculate the years of Methuselah. You will find that they end in the six hundredth year of the life of Noah. [That is when the Flood came].

Rabbi Immanuel Schochet o.b.m. provided the following suggestions for funeral and memorial services to Ask Noah International.

Prayer for a Departed Soul:

Mourners may recite all or part of the following prayer (not more than once daily) during the funeral, week of mourning, memorial gathering, anniversary of passing, or other appropriate special occasions.

May G-d remember the soul of [mention the deceased person’s given names], son/daughter of [mention the given names of his/her parents*] who has gone on to his/her world. By virtue of my praying on his/her behalf, and – without making a vow – my intent to donate to charity on his/her behalf, may his/her soul be bound in the Bond of Life together with the souls of the righteous, and let us say: Amen.

*If the names of at least one parent are not known, use Noah if the deceased is a Gentile, or Abraham if the deceased is a Jew.

The mourners or eulogist may recite or part of Psalm 49 and/or Psalm 139 as meditations on life, and Psalm 23.

The funeral service can also include this prayer:

The Rock – His working is perfect, for all His paths are justice; a G-d of faithfulness and without iniquity, He is righteous and fair! (Deuteronomy 32:4)

We know, G-d, that Your judgment is righteous; You are righteous when You speak and pure when You judge. There is naught to murmur about the way of Your judgment. You are righteous, G-d, and Your judgments are fair.

G-d gave, and G-d took; blessed be the Name of G-d!

For a Noahide funeral service recommended by Ask Noah (PDF file), click here.

As a fundamental principle, it’s important to have faith and trust in G-d’s active Divine Providence over all details and occurrences in creation. (Pagan-based practices such as self-mutilation or tearing out patches of hair during mourning are sinful.) Recall that Psalm 100:2 encourages serving G-d with gladness and joy.

A teaching from the Lubavitcher Rebbe*

It is evident that all behaviors consistent with the general principle of “He formed it [the world] to be settled” are equally incumbent upon [Jews and] Gentiles, although they were not stated (explicitly) in the section of the Torah that deals with the Noahide Commandments. (The command to civilize the world existed before the Giving of the Torah, before Jews and Gentiles were divided from one another, and perhaps even before the beginning of the division.[1])

The method of establishing and proving this is that the matter be rationally necessary, i.e., also in the mind of a Gentile, of whom the Mishnah states: “Beloved is man for he was created in the image [of G-d].”[2] This must refer to Gentiles, for only afterwards the Mishnah adds, “beloved is Israel.” If the matter is rationally necessary, it applies equally to Gentiles.

An example of this principle is apparent in the Torah’s laws of mourning:

Rambam writes: “Anyone who doesn’t mourn … is cruel,”[3] but on the other hand, “one should not grieve for one’s departed excessively … for this is the way of the world, and he who grieves [excessively] at the way of the world is a fool. Rather, one should weep [the first] three days, eulogize [the first] seven days, and refrain from cutting one’s hair [the first] month.”[4]

[The Torah’s] customs for mourning continue until the end of twelve months.[5] However, G-d instilled [in human nature] that after this time, [the emotional pain over losing] “the departed is forgotten from the heart.”[6]

The above Torah laws settle the world and maintain orderly conduct: on the one hand, the duty of mourning guards against cruelty, while the warning not to grieve excessively guards against foolishness. Thus, it is reasonable to say that Gentiles should also follow these practices.

Footnotes:

[1] Ed. Note: Apparently, this is a reference to Avraham, at the time he recognized and began to serve the One True G-d.

[2] Pirkei Avos 3:14. Ed. Note: The “image of G-d” (Bereishis 1:27) that exists in all human beings refers to the rational human soul, which can objectively know good from evil and provides the capacity for morality and personal freedom of choice.

[3] Mishneh Torah, Hilchos Eivel 13:12.

[4] Ibid. 13:11.

[5] Ibid. 6:7; 13:10. Ed. Note: The extension to 12 months applies only when mourning for one’s father or mother. Until one year, the mourner does not attend a friendly celebration. But for a wedding celebration of a close relative, the mourner can attend by serving as a waiter.

[6] Berachos 58b.

*From Hisvaaduyos 5746, Vol. 4, pp. 252-255.
We have included more of this teaching by the Rebbe in the book To Perfect the World: The Lubavitcher Rebbe’s Call To Teach the Noahide Code to All Mankind, pgs. 181-186.

– By Dr. Michael Schulman, Executive Director of Ask Noah International