Repentance led this criminal to become a Pious Noahide

A Noahide man submitted this explanation about his past, his repentance, and how he found that a person like him who committed terrible crimes can still turn his life around and serve G-d.

My past and my repentance

As a teenager, I became involved in a serious crime spree. The crimes were not minor. I robbed people, and I shot some of them during the robberies (but I didn’t kill anyone, thank G-d). I stole cars, and some I shot up and set on fire. Other teenagers also took part in doing this. Innocent people were physically and emotionally affected by what we did.

This happened decades ago. I don’t know where many of the victims are today. Some may have died. I don’t know where their families are. Nor do I know where the other young people who committed the crimes are today.

I have thought deeply about this because I understand that repentance doesn’t mean simply saying, “I’m sorry,” and then forgetting what happened. According to Torah, genuine repentance means abandoning the sinful way, sincerely regretting what was done, confessing the wrongdoing before G-d, and making a firm commitment not to return to that way of life.

When another person has been harmed, the aggressor should make restitution and seek forgiveness when that can reasonably and safely be done. I don’t want to use the passage of so many years as an excuse to escape responsibility. I accept responsibility before G-d for the things I did.

At the same time, there are circumstances in which personally contacting one’s victims to ask for forgiveness isn’t the right thing to do. If people I harmed decades ago are still living, suddenly appearing in their lives and telling them that I was responsible for violent crimes against them could potentially cause fear, trauma, or renewed emotional suffering and post traumatic stress disorder. I also don’t know whether contacting them would be appropriate or welcome. I would never want my attempt at repentance to become another source of harm.

The constraints of practical reality

There is also the practical reality that I am struggling financially. I’m not capable of paying enormous amounts of restitution to numerous victims from crimes committed decades ago. I have limited financial resources and live essentially from paycheck to paycheck. I cannot undo the physical injuries, emotional trauma, property destruction, fear and post traumatic stress disorder that my actions caused.

But I have learned that inability to repair every consequence of an old crime does not mean that a person should give up on repentance.

The universal teachings within Torah, that Ask Noah International is disseminating for Gentiles, emphasize that G-d accepts sincere repentance. These include the principle from Torah that when a person sincerely abandons a sin, regrets what he did, confesses before G-d, and resolves never to return to that way, G-d forgives the person for his sin.

This is not erasing the person’s history or pretending that the victims did not suffer. It means that the person who committed the wrong is not constrained to remain the same person forever. That distinction is extremely important to me.

It’s impossible to go back in time to stop the crimes I did from happening, or to make victims forget. I cannot find people whose identities and whereabouts I don’t  know. Nevertheless, I can spend the rest of my life becoming a different and better person.

My path to a repentance that is pleasing to G-d

These are the things that I have taken upon myself to do:

• Obey the Seven Noahide Laws and follow a pious way of life:
• Reject violence, theft and robbery.
• Respect human life, give charity, visit the sick, and help people who are suffering.
• Encourage young people who are going down the wrong path to turn around before they destroy their own lives and the lives of others.
• Teach troubled young people that their past doesn’t have to determine their future.

This is one reason why I’m interested in helping young people who are incarcerated. I know what it’s like to be a troubled young person who made terrible decisions and ended up incarcerated. I want young people to understand these things that I wish I had understood when I was young:

• You’re responsible for what you’ve done, but you’re not required to remain the same person who did those things.
• Repentance means returning to the right path.
• Despite the seriousness of your crimes, don’t conclude, “I’ve gone too far. G-d will never forgive me, so there’s no reason to change.” That isn’t the message that G-d teaches in the holy Hebrew Bible.
• The Hebrew Bible teaches that a person must face the truth about what he has done, sincerely repent, repair what he can, and then devote the remainder of his life to doing what is right.
• This teaching about repentance does not give a person permission to minimize his crimes. It gives him a path to permanently change for the better.

Therefore, I continue to ask G-d to forgive me for the suffering I caused. I ask Him to have mercy upon the people I harmed and their families, and to help me use the remainder of my life for good.

In conclusion

Where restitution is possible and appropriate, I want to do what I can. Where direct contact with victims would potentially cause additional harm or is impossible because they cannot be located, I want to seek proper Torah-based guidance about what I should do instead. I can also give charity and help people in need as part of the life of righteousness I am living now.

Charity cannot purchase forgiveness, and I do not give charity as a substitute for facing responsibility. I give because I want my actions today to be fundamentally different from the actions of the person I was as a teenager. My hope is that my life can become a living example of repentance, like the Talmudic sage Reish Lakish.[1]

G-d can bring a person who once participated in violent crimes to recognize the value of human life, turn away from violence and theft, embrace the Seven Noahide Laws, serve others, and encourage young people to choose a different, better path. Then, that person’s remaining years can be used to bring some good into a world that he once harmed. He can do this through living in accordance with the Seven Noahide Laws, and doing acts of kindness and charity.

I cannot change my past. But with G-d’s help, I can change what I do with the rest of my life. Torah instructs me to have faith that through my proper repentance to G-d, He has forgiven me. At the same time, there are levels within repentance. G-d knows the level that I’m capable of achieving today, and it may be higher than the level that I achieved up until now.

Looking ahead

While G-d is counting up all of the good that I do, I accept that in His wisdom, He can also determine and bring about whatever atonement I may still be in need of.

I would like to tell teenagers and adults who were involved in committing crimes or crime sprees, that this authentic means of repentance is open and waiting for them. It will bring forgiveness from G-d for their past crimes and sinful ways. Their first step in this process should be to make their crimes and sinful ways a thing of the past.

Footnote by the Director of Ask Noah:

1. Reish Lakish was a strong young Jewish man who fought as a gladiator. He became the leader of a group of bandits whose goal was to kill cannibals. One of the sages told him that he should use his strength for Torah. The sage promised his beautiful sister as a wife for Reish Lakish, if he would repent and study Torah. He agreed, and became one of the greatest Torah sages in his generation.