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Marriage and Marital Issues
#11
B"H,
Shalom ,
I have the following question. If I establish a Noahide community or society; can I make a compulsory social law that the couple to be married should first seek the approval of their parents and that arranged marriages should be encouraged.
I ask this because in my country India and neighboring regions like Bangladesh, Pakistan and Middle-East; arranged marriages are the norm. Also people prefer arranged marriages to dating.
Or will it come under "Sin of inventing a new religion?"

Thanks.
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#12
Parental approval of marriages, and arranged marriages, are usually associated with accepted societal traditions and customs, and not with any claim that these are actually religious requirements. So it would not be considered a sin of inventing a new religion, unless you specifically made it so within a novel new doctrine.

However, it would be ill-advised, and dictatorial, to impose these rules as absolute requirements. The Torah stresses that neither men nor women should be forced to enter into an unwanted marriage, and that for Gentiles, the establishment of an authentic marriage bond is dependent upon willingness or at least acceptance by both the man and the woman. This is explained in Part VI, chapters 3 and 4, of "The Divine Code" by Rabbi Moshe Weiner of Jerusalem:

https://asknoah.org/books/the-divine-code
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#13
Shalom to all!
I would like to ask some questions about behavior in general within a marriage.
If I marry a woman who already has two daughters, I will consider me a father to them.
What is the limit of my relationships with children?
I could put them on my lap?
I could embrace them?
I could kiss them?
I could walk with them hand in hand in public?
Is there an age limit for that we have to restrain ourselves for these displays of affection?
What would be the limit of my demonstrations of affection for them, always keeping in mind that I would be the stepfather and not the real father, who is dead?
I should avoid all forms, see them naked? As bathing, changing clothes etc?
To this end I would have age limit?
I learned in Judaism which is prohibited see the nakedness of the other.
To what extent this would apply in this situation?
Thanks to G-d for the existence of this forum.
Thank you very much.
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#14
Here are the answers to your questions. These answers apply only when the stepfather and his stepdaughters are all GENTILES. (Jews with questions of this nature should consult their local Orthodox Rabbi.)

-- [As stepfather] what is the limit of my relationships with the [step]children?
-- I could put them on my lap?
Yes
-- I could embrace them?
Yes
-- I could kiss them?
Yes
-- I could walk with them hand in hand in public?
Yes
-- Is there an age limit for that we have to restrain ourselves for these displays of affection?
No
-- I should avoid all forms, see them naked, as bathing, changing clothes etc?
This you should avoid totally.
-- To this end I would have age limit?
Definitely for a stepdaughter at or above age 12 you should not see her naked, and I think it would be better for you not to see younger stepdaughters naked either.
-- Thanks to G-d for the existence of this forum.
Amen.
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#15
Mr. Rabbi Moshe Reiner and Dr. Schulman, thank you for instructions.
So I constituting a noetic family, where I, the wife, and the children we are keepers of Noetic Laws, adherents to modesty and humility within and outside the home. I ask.
Would be consistent preserve children that these types of displays of affection like hugs and kisses, be avoided with strangers to the Faith and practice of life?
Especially where we have a culture where everyone plays and gets too into each other, as it is here in Brazil. These physical contacts can affect the spiritual life, right?
I believe that even avoid these excesses is part of modesty, right?

All the best for you.
Alex
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#16
The guidelines you described are a sensible, wise, and pious policy for Noahides.

The moral and safe advice for everyone is for a young person not to go on boy-girl dates until he or she is ready to find a spouse for living together as domestic partners (i.e. marriage). Then the purpose of dating is only to found out if a prospective candidate for marriage will be a good partner, in terms of compatibility and attraction. When the right person is found and there is full agreement, that will lead directly to engagement and domestic partnership (i.e. marriage).

When a child is close to the age of finishing high-school, it is a good time for parents to begin
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#17
Hello,

I'm brand new to this forum, so hello!

I have a few questions about marriage. I try to live by the 7 Noahide laws but my wife is totally uninterested in learning about Hashem. She believes in a higher power of some sort, but uninterested in pursuing any further research or study.

We want to have another child (our first passed away due to a genetic condition at 5 months old). My first child I was hoping to raise as far removed from any non-Torah based religion, but I met some resistance with my family and hers and also from my wife. She is of the opinion to let children discover religion for themselves, I am of the opinion I should nurture their growth towards Hashem and only Hashem. How do I deal with this? Is it grounds for divorce? (Not saying I WANT to divorce). Anyone else have a similar problem?

What about xmas? I understand there are certain things we may do to avoid hard feelings and may interact with family on xmas, but that's not raising my kids to be removed from other religions. I understand kids aren't in a vacuum, but wouldn't it be a little conflicting for them to have one parent who tries to raise them to be G-d fearing and one who doesn't care?

Also, for spouses who want to convert to Judaism and the other doesn't, how do you deal with that? Do you both just decide to remain B'nai Noach? I don't think that would be grounds for a divorce, would it?

I know I've mentioned divorce a few times and I'm not on here looking for a way out lol! Just really concerned about what to do. I'd really like to raise my kids in hope of them wanting to convert to Judaism one day, but at the least having them Torah-observant Gentiles.

Thank You all so much,
Josh
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#18
Should a Noahide divorce someone who shows no interest in Hashem? Also, should they have children together even though it would be quite difficult to raise them religious if both parents are at odds with each other over religion.
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#19
Answer to Post #18: That is not an all-around ideal situation, but such issues have to be approached sensitively on a personal case-by-case basis. So there is no general answer that fits all possible cases.
The institution of valid marriage is one of the foundations for a stable society, so efforts should be made to find compromises and heal divisive issues between a husband and wife who still have some desire or good practical reasons to stay together in a faithful marriage, especially if they already have children.
Therefore the Noahide partner in the marriage is encouraged to seek advice from a pious mentor and/or from the Rabbi of an Orthodox community before deciding to go ahead and become divorced.
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#20
Responses to Post #17:

(02-18-2015, 06:12 AM)Joshua123 Wrote: My first child I was hoping to raise as far removed from any non-Torah based religion, but I met some resistance with my family and hers and also from my wife. She is of the opinion to let children discover religion for themselves, I am of the opinion I should nurture their growth towards Hashem and only Hashem. How do I deal with this? Is it grounds for divorce? (Not saying I WANT to divorce). Anyone else have a similar problem?

Of course you aren't the only married person who has become a Noahide and this problem has come up. You are definitely correct in your opinion that it's best to nurture a child's spiritual growth towards Hashem (G-d) and only Hashem. You should be firm on where you feel that you must draw the line, yet flexibility in some peripheral areas may allow a mutually acceptable plan to be accepted. But if the pressure from your wife and her family is very intense and not acceptable, divorce might be the best thing for both sides.

(02-18-2015, 06:12 AM)Joshua123 Wrote: What about xmas? I understand there are certain things we may do to avoid hard feelings and may interact with family on xmas, but that's not raising my kids to be removed from other religions. I understand kids aren't in a vacuum, but wouldn't it be a little conflicting for them to have one parent who tries to raise them to be G-d fearing and one who doesn't care?

"Doesn't care" is not a bad as being committed to an idolatrous religion, so a compromise plan can more easily reached. Also as a child grows up he will have friends, classmates and co-workers who practice non-Torah religions, so interacting within set boundaries with family members of other faiths can be used as a teaching experience. However, efforts by family members to proselytize a Noahide's child must not be allowed, and that has to be guarded against.

(02-18-2015, 06:12 AM)Joshua123 Wrote: Also, for spouses who want to convert to Judaism and the other doesn't, how do you deal with that? Do you both just decide to remain B'nai Noach? I don't think that would be grounds for a divorce, would it?

This situation would be addressed by the Orthodox Rabbi whom the interested spouse approaches to be accepted to study for conversion. It would not be possible for only spouse to authentically convert to become a Jew, and still be married to the other spouse who has not converted.
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